The Christmas Story

For Christmas, Lance and I got the boys nerf guns. We thought it’d be a fun thing for them to do in the winter months.

After we opened presents, we were all sitting around chatting and we started an impromptu nerf gun war.

It was fun.

For those few minutes I felt freely happy.

Not “put a smile on my face.”

Not hyphenated happy.

Freely happy.

Then I got shot in the eye.

As I laid there holding my eye, I thought, I’m not allowed to be freely happy anymore. That part of my life is obviously done.

If I feel freely happy then it’ll cause physical pain, mental pain, or emotional pain. It’s just not in the cards for me.

I was thinking about it more as I sat in the ER with my mom. Then throughout the rest of the day.

At the end of the night, the seven of us made goals of service and love that we can do throughout this year.

This is mine: to be freely happy with my family.

It’s not an easy goal because if I’m trying, then it’s putting a smile on my face.

Instead, I’m going to try in live in the moment more.

I’m going to put myself in more situations with them that I can let go. That I won’t feel so hyphenated. If only for a few minutes.

I want my boys to have more than a hyphenated mom.

I’m realistic. I don’t think I’ll experience it daily or weekly or probably even monthly. But experiencing it five times in 2019 will be more times than I experienced it this year.

That’s a win.

That’s starting to live a Rory life-loving life.