I don’t sleep well.
I had trouble sleeping before Rory died.
Since, it plunged to a whole new depth.
One of the side effects of not sleeping is I don’t dream very often. It seems like I don’t get into a deep enough sleep.
So when I do sleep, when I do dream, it’s significant to me.
Last night, though, was hard.
I did dream.
I dreamt we were at a restaurant and people kept taking our seats. Finally I got kind of irritated and told someone off.
I said something like, “We’ve been waiting and that table should be ours. Plus, it’s big enough to sit our family of five.”
I woke up.
My subconscious is now used to thinking “family of five”.
I hate that.
We’re not a family of five.
We’re a family of six.
But one is no longer here to sit with us.
One no longer needs a ticket.
One no longer needs a seat in the car.
Or a place to sleep in our hotel room.
While she’ll always be a part of our family.
She no longer gets to be involved in our everyday.
So for many things we are a family of five now.
With our sixth waiting for us in heaven.
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