Absent Birthdays

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Tomorrow is our third year of celebrating Rory’s birthday without her.

Birthdays have not been the same since she died. I kind of don’t like birthdays anymore.

It’s a reminder of another year.

Another year passed without her present.

A reminder of the empty seat at our celebration.

I miss hearing her sing.

I miss her bright face shining up at mine.

I miss her blowing out her candles.

I miss her excitement about opening her presents.

I miss her gobbling down the cake and ice cream. Or her dessert of choice. One year it was Jello!

Really, I just miss her so much today.

I do every day but I ache for her when her birthday nears.

My arms feel extra empty.

The hole in my heart expanded.

Three.

Such a small number but feels huge.

But here’s my promise to you, baby girl, on year three.

We’re going to celebrate you tomorrow by spreading love.

Because that’s how you lived your life.

With so much love.