I wish I had a different life.
I just wish life was easier.
Those thoughts have been scrolling through my mind the last week.
I want Rory here.
I want to feel complete.
I want to feel hope.
It takes a lot of effort to get out of that headspace for me. Daily effort. Sometimes multiple times during the day effort.
Yesterday I was listening to a song about if the world was ending.
It removed my mind from the wishful future to the present.
If the world was ending, what would I think about my life right now? What would I wish I was doing differently? Or more of? Who do I wish was here?
One of the side effects of Rory’s death was a change in priorities.
Things that seemed important, lost their importance.
Time was a precious commodity. I had no idea how precious and limited it was.
But I’m left today with a better balanced present. (Well, COVID-19 has left the balanced skewed.)
If the world was ending, I’m exactly where I’d want to be. With the people I want to be with.
The future is so uncertain. The things I planned for, hoped for, work toward, feel out of my grasp. Like reaching for a raft that keeps floating farther and farther away.
But today. Today! I’m going to make it a goal to enjoy being in the water with those I love before I look toward the raft again.
If the world was ending… What would you want in your life?