It’s Still Here.

I thought I’d feel some relief coming down off Rory’s birthday. It was officially the end of our “holiday season.”

It just hasn’t come.

Like the weather outside, I feel like I’m surrounded by clouds.

I feel maxed with stress. With emotions. With frustration.

Things that might have just blown right over me, aren’t. My emotions are at a place where they’re to the rim, ready to overflow at the next thing that hurts.

I’m angry.

Sad.

Upset.

I try to breathe through it. I mean, I’m acknowledging that I’m getting set off. But it’s just not possible right now.

I’m exhausted.

Physically and emotionally.

Trying to be “normal” right now requires so much energy.

I remember a few weeks ago going to an event and I practiced smiling as I walked in.

I had to practice smiling because it just doesn’t come as naturally. Or as often.

Especially right now.

I took that picture above last week as snow was coming down. I looked over at the sun and it was fighting.

It was fighting its way through the clouds to provide light to us.

That’s what I’m doing right now. I’m fighting. I’m trying to figure a way out of the grief clouds that are surrounding me.

I have hope that I’ll break through.

I will.

I always do.

There are four men that need me to.