Readying for the Fall Storm

I went to Costco the other day and they have this big Halloween costume display.

Front and center was the Wonder Woman costume.

I gripped the cart, fought back tears.

Here we go again.

What gives Fall the right?

Why does Fall have the audacity to keep coming every year?

It gave up that right the day my daughter died.

It’s not okay.

Previously, it was cooler temperatures, changing leaves, school starting, pumpkin treats, and fun holidays.

Now, it’s dread, panic, sadness, loss, and missing. So much missing.

I can it feel inside me already.

I’m planting my feet.

Readying my legs.

I’ve got my head down.

The wind stirs around me.

Please, Heavenly Father, give us strength to weather this storm.

A Halloween Memory

Wonder Woman attacking an unknowing Superman.

Last year, I was staying home to hand out candy, the boys were out with cousins and friends, so Rory was trick or treating with my sister and her youngers.

My sister called and asked me to send Rory over. I got her shoes on and sent her out the door. (My sister was at my mom’s, who lived right behind us.)

I gave away some candy. And maybe 5 minutes later my sister called again. “Where’s Rory?”

This was not an usual question. (And, unfortunately, still isn’t.)

My distracted, wandering wild flower.

I looked around a little then asked a neighbor that was trick or treating, “Have you seen Rory?”

“Yeah, she’s down the street with the Vriens family.”

She saw a group of her friends, forgot her destination, and just joined in.

But almost on cue, I see my cute Wonder Woman running back down the cul-de-sac.

After a quick hug, I sent her on her way to my mom’s to have an awesome night of family and candy.

Bracing For Impact

I feel like I’m in a car.

The rain is turning to snow. My limbs are cold, a bit numb.

I don’t know the destination, but I have my family in there with me.

As I go to make a turn, my tires slide. I turn into the slide. And I spin. And spin.

Then I see it. Five feet ahead, there’s a wall.

I take one last glance around at each face then I grip the steering wheel.

Bracing for impact.

That’s where I’m at right now.

Bracing for impact.

I’m staring down the year mark. One year without my baby girl.

One year without her hugs.

One year without her laughs.

One year without her cuddles.

One year of holidays without her.

One more first holiday without her left. Halloween.

The tears are coming quicker.

My heart pounds harder, faster.

The breakdowns are increasing.

I’m in a tailspin.

Holding on.

And holding on.

Trying to prepare for what’s coming.

Halloween Costumes

I have a DC comic shirt with three female Superheroes on them.

Rory loved it! Every time I wore it we talked about each of the women and their powers.

She had her Halloween costumes picked out for three years.

2017- Wonder Woman

2018- Super Girl

2019- Batgirl

We got one of those years in.

Man, I miss my supergirl.