Tag: hard things

CPR

stephaniemoorewrites
Thank you, Allison Morgan, for teaching me and our girls.

One of the questions I get when people hear my That night story is, “How did you know CPR?”

The first time I was asked, my thought was, doesn’t everyone? CPR has just been a part of my life since I was 12.

In our church young women from ages 12-18 go on a camp out every summer. Part of the certification process is learning CPR and first aid. So every summer, I’d get a refresher course in CPR.

Then when I was 23 and pregnant with the twins, Lance and I got CPR certified. We wanted to make sure we knew how to do first aid on infants. It’s different than with adults.

After that I spent a few years working with the young women of our church and so every summer I got a refresher course of how to perform CPR.

Things change slightly. Like how many compressions before you give breath but the motions have pretty much stayed the same.

My compressions. My breath. Didn’t save Rory’s life That night.

But I know I did everything I could.

If you don’t know CPR, learn it. You never know what life is going to bring.

Joy and Grief

stephaniemoorewrites

Pendulum

I’ve heard this concept explained in a few different ways but my favorite is the visual of the pendulum.

On one side there’s extreme joy.

On the other extreme grief.

Then in between are various levels of grief and joy.

When one experiences great joy with a person, when that person is gone, great grief is felt.

I experienced extreme joy with Rory. Which then leaves me with extreme grief.

Would I be willing to give up the joy I had with her to now lessen the pain I’m in?

Would I give up the daily kisses and hugs that made me feel special?

Would I give up the hilarity of watching her try out new dance moves?

Would I give up the comfort of her morning cuddles?

Would I give up the extreme pride I felt when I watched her conquer her anxiety?

Would I give up the funny faces she would make with me at church?

Would I give up making her my buddy for those years? Taking her everywhere?

Each of those make the pendulum tip a little higher.

That girl.

She brought extreme joy to our lives. Her absence has left extreme grief.

But I’ll take the grief.

I’ll live with it for the rest of my life. Because it meant that she was part of it.

Part of me.

Hard Things

stephaniemoorewrites

I had two memories come up on Facebook today.

One of the hardest things about Rory’s death is a missed future.

We had plans.

She had plans.

She came to me one day and said she wanted to be a heart doctor. My first thought was okay, let’s do this.

Lance and I were ready to put in the work. We were getting her the resources she needed to be more successful at school. It wasn’t going to be an easy road but we believed in Rory. She was already making huge progress!

We were ensuring we did everything in our power to help her succeed. Then she stepped up.

Rory did hard things every day.

Now we do hard things every day. Love you, baby girl.