Tag: miss her

A Memory- Church Waves

stephaniemoorewrites

I have quite a few things I loved about Rory at church.

Lance didn’t sit with us much. He served in leadership callings that required him to sit up front.

That meant I had four kids that would fight to sit on either side of me. But really the boys fought to sit on one side because Rory always got the other. She was my little buddy.

Rory would look up at Lance and wave and wave. I would put her hand down and the next second it would fly back up. That continued until Lance acknowledged and waved back. She was happy to see her dad up there.

She was happy.

A Cruise Memory

stephaniemoorewrites

I’ve missed Rory so much the last couple of day, I need to share a memory.

In May 2016 we went on a two week transatlantic cruise with our kids. It was amazing! We got to spend a lot of quality time together that’s beyond priceless now.

One of Rory’s favorite things to do was stand by the buttons in the elevator and ask people, “What floor?”

One time she came back from kids club with the boys and she had a dollar bill.

She was in the elevator pushing buttons for people and someone gave her a tip.

She was the cutest bellhop.

Hard Things

stephaniemoorewrites

I had two memories come up on Facebook today.

One of the hardest things about Rory’s death is a missed future.

We had plans.

She had plans.

She came to me one day and said she wanted to be a heart doctor. My first thought was okay, let’s do this.

Lance and I were ready to put in the work. We were getting her the resources she needed to be more successful at school. It wasn’t going to be an easy road but we believed in Rory. She was already making huge progress!

We were ensuring we did everything in our power to help her succeed. Then she stepped up.

Rory did hard things every day.

Now we do hard things every day. Love you, baby girl.

A Memory- Come and Find Me

stephaniemoorewrites

One day Rory wanted to play hide and go seek. The first place I looked was her room and found this:

Can you see her?

Then I looked in the closet:

Where’s Rory?

Then the next day we played again.

We were back in her room.

She wasn’t always the greatest of hiders when we were playing.

But when I was actually looking for her.

When we needed to go somewhere.

When I needed to talk to her.

Then she became stealth.

I would yell and yell around the house searching for her. At times in an absolute panic. Finally she’d come out with a big smile on her face.

“What, Mom?”

Life Sucks

stephaniemoorewrites

The last couple of weeks have been “life sucks” weeks.

Okay. It’s probably the last eight months. But like I said before, some days, some weeks, are worse than others.

So these have been worse weeks.

We have this huge hole, this huge sadness in our lives. Everything else should just fall into place, right? Right?

Nope.

There’s still crappiness.

Big decisions still have to be made.

Life doesn’t stop. It just keeps coming.

I take deep breaths and just try to roll with it.

But there are days that I’m hitting my steering wheel in anger.

And some that I’m curled up in my closet in tears.

This is what I hate.

Each of the boys have, in different ways, asked me if I’m sad the last few days.

I hate that.

I don’t want the boys to think of me as a sad mom.

I didn’t used to be.

I hate that it takes so much energy for me to be “normal.”

I hate that this is my life. Their life.