Tag: miss her

A Memory— The List

stephaniemoorewrites

Rory was, by far, my pickiest eater. The boys couldn’t get away with it. There were too many of them, close together. I needed them to eat what I put in front of them.

Rory, well, she had a list.

When it started there were five things she would eat:

Corn dogs

French fries

Chicken nuggets

Fruit snacks

Goldfish.

Luckily, the list did expand. But I’d be lying if I said it got much healthier.

I’d have her eat broccoli. She’d gag it down. Literally, the entire time she was eating, she was gagging.

Every once in a while I’d ask her to try something and she would, with a smile, tell me that wasn’t on her list.

She was so dang cute saying that, I’d totally let it go.

Because of her “restrictive list”, I would always have her favorites on hand.

Buying those things are hard. Still.

But they’re on the boys’ list too.

That Feeling. She’s Here.

stephaniemoorewrites

I’ve stated a few times that I’ve had experiences that tell me Rory still exists and that she’s still around.

I haven’t specifically shared them because they’re personal and some are sacred to me.

But I want to share the one I had today.

I’ve had something weighty hanging over my head the last few days. I keep thinking, where does this leave me and what am I going to do next?

That’s what I was doing at church today. I had my eyes closed and I was partially praying, partially thinking those questions. What am I going to do?

Then out of no where.

She was there.

In my mind.

Sitting in the pew in front of me, turning around smiling at me. Her beautiful red hair framing her face. Fingers gripping the back of the pew.

I opened my eyes.

I couldn’t see her.

But for a moment she let me know that she’s still here.

She loves me.

Let It Be

stephaniemoorewrites

During a recent Carpool Karaoke, James Corden rode with Paul McCartney. It was my favorite carpool yet.

First, I grew up listening to their music. If it wasn’t The Beatles, it was The Who. If it was Elton John, it was America. Seriously, I dragged a couple of my friends to the Ostrich Festival in the Phoenix area and we rocked out to America. Well, I rocked out to America. So, The Beatles are important to me.

I’ve always liked Let It Be but never knew the story behind it until I watched this episode. Paul was having a hard time, there was a lot of uncertainty in his life. And drugs. He went to sleep one hard night and his mother (who passed away when he was 14) came to him in a dream. She assured him that everything was going to be okay soon and to let it be.

Tears were streaming down my face as I heard this. I’ve had experiences where I’ve felt Rory letting me know that she’s okay. She’s happy. She’s not alone.

But here’s the thing.

I want her here.

I want to hug her.

I want to love her.

I want to hear her fake laugh.

I want to see her smile.

I want to hear her say, “Tickle me” or “Cuddles”.

I want her to wake me up and crawl into my bed.

I want to see her wink.

I want to see her skip across the room.

“For though they may be parted

There is still a chance that they will see

There will be an answer

Let it be”

I’m still in the night, but I have her assuring me. There will be answer. Let it be.

(Here’s a link to the carpool karaoke: https://youtu.be/QjvzCTqkBDQ)

A Memory

stephaniemoorewrites

A couple of weeks before Rory passed.

We were on our way home from school. At that point it was a 40 minute drive.

I glanced back and Rory had this peaceful smile on her face.

Every time I looked back, the same smile.

I wondered what she was thinking so I said her name.

Her head turned, the smile remained.

I didn’t disrupt her again. But watched her beautiful smile the whole way home.