Tag: hard things

What Started It All

stephaniemoorewrites

Happy Valentine’s Day to you all.

I thought it be fun to share the beginnings of our family. And since I’m writing it, it’s my side of the story. Haha!

Lance and I were up at Northern Arizona University in the Fall of 1999. He was starting his masters in mathematics and I was a freshman.

We met at a pick up volleyball game one night. I wouldn’t say it was love at first sight for either of us. But when we’d go to our church building in the weeks to come, we’d bump into each other quite a bit.

Our true romance happened at the math building. We’re nerds!

I had an early morning class and Lance taught an early morning class. Not the same class! After my class I’d sit in the foyer and wait for my roommate to finish up her class. Lance and I would sit and talk everyday day that I was there.

It wasn’t long until we were on our first date. We went repelling as a little group. After we were done he said let’s go see a movie tonight.

And that was it.

There hasn’t been a day since that we haven’t talked to each other.

We met in August, got engaged in October, and got married January 7th.

It was a whirlwind.

Now, we’re 19 years into our romance.

We’re not quite the youngens from the pictures above anymore.

Sometimes when I look at pictures like these I think, oh guys, you have no idea what’s coming.

Love, happiness.

Grief, pain.

If you didn’t have one set, you wouldn’t understand or appreciate the other.

When we got married, we didn’t have a song. So we told the DJ just go ahead and pick one for us. Surprise us!

Big mistake. It was an awful Whitney Houston song. (Yeah, I didn’t know one of those existed either.)

A couple years later, we did decide on our song. Fools Rush In by Elvis Presley.

“Some things are meant to be
Take my hand, take my whole life too
For I can’t help falling in love with you.”

Share love today. Give big hugs. Tell those close to you that you love them.

Today, doesn’t just have to be about chocolates and flowers.

Make it about loving those around you.

But chocolate never hurts.

Love you all! *big virtual hugs*

It’s Still Here.

stephaniemoorewrites

I thought I’d feel some relief coming down off Rory’s birthday. It was officially the end of our “holiday season.”

It just hasn’t come.

Like the weather outside, I feel like I’m surrounded by clouds.

I feel maxed with stress. With emotions. With frustration.

Things that might have just blown right over me, aren’t. My emotions are at a place where they’re to the rim, ready to overflow at the next thing that hurts.

I’m angry.

Sad.

Upset.

I try to breathe through it. I mean, I’m acknowledging that I’m getting set off. But it’s just not possible right now.

I’m exhausted.

Physically and emotionally.

Trying to be “normal” right now requires so much energy.

I remember a few weeks ago going to an event and I practiced smiling as I walked in.

I had to practice smiling because it just doesn’t come as naturally. Or as often.

Especially right now.

I took that picture above last week as snow was coming down. I looked over at the sun and it was fighting.

It was fighting its way through the clouds to provide light to us.

That’s what I’m doing right now. I’m fighting. I’m trying to figure a way out of the grief clouds that are surrounding me.

I have hope that I’ll break through.

I will.

I always do.

There are four men that need me to.

Happy Birthday (Part 2)

stephaniemoorewrites

Today is Rory’s birthday. My hope was a day filled with love, service, and family.

That’s what we got.

We have felt so much love from all of you. Thank you for helping us with the service project. Thank you for sending texts, messages, and comments. We read each one and they mean so much to us. Thank you doesn’t quite reach how much your thoughts and prayers mean to us.

The humane society was thrilled with the donations. The service project was a brain saver for me as January kept pressing me into the ground.

We spent the day doing fun things with the boys. We created “Kid’s Day” for them in memory of Rory. We want it to be a tradition that lasts the years. Our hope is that when the boys have babies they can tell them Kid’s Day is in honor of Aunt Rory. Their Aunt that they won’t know in this life. But was here. And was amazing.

Our hope is that one day a year will always be dedicated to Rory.

To service.

To love.

And to family.

Rory would love that.

Hitting Double Digits (Birthday Part One)

stephaniemoorewrites

Tomorrow is Rory’s birthday. But I want to celebrate and love tomorrow. Today, I want to scream and cry.

If Rory was still here I probably would have written:

And just like this, my baby girl is 10.

My baby has hit the double digits. I can’t believe it!

I probably would have commented on all the growth she had this year.

How she’s made so many new friends.

I’d probably have commented on how fast time goes by.

About what an incredible young woman she’s becoming. How proud I am of her.

I hate that I don’t get to say these things.

That I miss out on so much with her.

I just want to scream today.

I miss her!

I want her!

It’s not fair she’s not here!

But mostly, I want to tell my girl:

I think about you everyday.

I listen for you.

I search for you.

I try to share love like you would have.

I love you, my sweet baby girl.

Forever.

And ever.

January

stephaniemoorewrites

January feels like the month that never ends.

But we’re here. We’ve made it to the last day. January 31st!

Can I get a halle-freaking-lujah?

The whole month is:

Cold.

The sun is out less.

The holidays are done and celebrated.

Christmas bills are coming due.

And for me. I have Rory’s birthday looming.

Where there used to be excitement.

There’s apprehension.

Where there used to be joy.

There’s anxiety.

I frame January with love and service trying to help push me through the month.

It works. It helps me. A lot.

But it doesn’t take away the fact that we’ll be celebrating her birthday without her in a few days.

Ugh. I miss her.

But I’m going to take this small accomplishment. I did it!

Goodbye messy, hard January. Until next next year.