Tag: Jesus Christ

This Time With Purpose

stephaniemoorewrites
Last year. And 2016– the progression of taking a picture with my kiddos. Rory was always doing something.

The last holiday season we put our heads down and plowed through. Thanksgiving was a week and a half after Rory passed. Then a couple weeks after that we moved across town. A couple weeks after that was Christmas. My birthday. New Year’s. Dax’s birthday. Rory’s birthday.

It all happened fast. And we just got through it. There wasn’t a lot of thought or intention in our celebrating.

This year there is.

I made rolls and pumpkin pie, and other traditional Thanksgiving feast items.

We’re talking about getting our Christmas decorations out.

I’m planning and buying Christmas gifts.

We’re settling in and trying to prepare for a Christmas season.

One where we celebrate on purpose.

With purpose.

As we’re coming to grips and actually living this new life, I’ve realized how much this purpose means to us. More than before.

Christ.

All our hope lies in Jesus Christ.

He was born. The Son of God.

He died.

But lived again.

Lives still.

This Christmas season will be harder than the last. But this year, we’ll give more thanks.

This year, we’ll live with more purpose.

For her.

Because of Him.

A Moment

stephaniemoorewrites
Eating some McDonalds in her honor.

Emotions are draining.

So tiring.

The 13th was exhausting.

But.

In the middle of the day. I was sitting in the chair that I rocked all four of my babies with.

I had a sense of peace roll over me. A lift of my burden. For a few seconds.

In the year, this has only happened twice. Each time for only seconds.

I know it was the wave of good thoughts, of prayers, of love being sent our way.

Thank you.

Love you.

More Like Her

stephaniemoorewrites

Rory had a wonderful 3rd Grade teacher, Mrs. Bohls. She loved Rory. I could tell from our first conversations and emails.

After Rory’s passing, I had a few opportunities to talk with her, mourn with her.

One of the times she said something that has stuck with me. It was something like, when I get to Heaven, I’m going to ask God, why her. Because, “We need more kids like Rory in this world.”

Rory wasn’t a perfect child. She required patience. But she had two characteristics that were amazing:

She forgave readily.

She apologized quickly.

When she would accidentally hurt someone, she would repeat, “I’m sorry.” She wasn’t prideful, she wanted to make things better. And she didn’t want the other person to be in pain.

There was a time that Rory was going out to play with a friend. As Rory was leaving, she said, “I hope she uses nice words with me.” The last time Rory had played with this friend, the girl wasn’t the nicest. But Rory didn’t hold it against her. She forgave. She was weary, but forgave her.

Rory still loved her friend.

That’s what happens when you forgive and apologize quickly.

You love. Christ-like love.

I want to love like Rory, so there’s another “Rory” in this world.

The First and the Last

stephaniemoorewrites

At our church the children, ages 3-11, participate in program where they sing and speak for the congregation.

It’s easily one of the favorite Sundays all year long for a lot people.

This year it was harder.

It was our first without Rory.

Our last one for any of our kids. Dax turns 12 in January.

The children’s leaders were very thoughtful, knowing it would be emotional for us.

Each of the kids wore a purple ribbon. And they placed flowers where, what would have been, Rory’s class sat. In memory of her. For love of her. And us.

I loved watching Dax sing his best. His loudest. He enjoys singing.

They sang a song I didn’t know, He Lives and He Loves Me.

“…

He lives and He loves me.

I will not forget who I am.

I will strive to remember His plan for me.

I will love.

I will serve in my time here on Earth.

And someday I will return to Him.

He will bless me and guide me.

He lives and He loves me.”

This song encompasses so much of my daily mantras.

He lives so Rory lives.

She’s happy.

God hasn’t forsaken you. He blesses you. He loves you. Keep going. People need you.

Love as Rory loved. She loved always and freely. Do the same.

Here is a link to the song:

https://youtu.be/IEy9AfOstAk

My Relationship with Grief Today

stephaniemoorewrites

Grief is isolating.

We mourn with others.

We grieve alone.

The pain is the missing.

Her voice.

Her sweet smile.

Her laugh. Even the fake ones.

Her snuggles.

Her winks.

It’s in the quiet moments.

Those soul crushing quiet moments.

Banging on the steering wheel.

Pounding the bed.

Dropping to your knees, pain.

Curling up in the closet, crying.

Grappling with the could of’s and the should of’s.

That will never be.

Trying to find contentment.

Trying to be as whole as possible.

Never quite successful.

But I want to be.

I have hope.

Not always on the surface.

Not always accessible.

But there.

I have hope that I will see her again.

Because of Him.