Tag: miss her

Where are your shoes?

stephaniemoorewrites

I think we can agree as moms that shoes are our nemesis.

The kids never know where they are. They take them off in different places. They thought they knew where they were. But then can’t remember where the shoes are when it’s time to go somewhere.

When I was packing up our master bedroom at the old house, I looked under our bed. I found a pair of Rory’s shoes.

Lost shoes.

I remember thinking at the time, this is the last time I’m going to find her shoes. They won’t be laying around our new house.

I hugged them to my body. Those little shoes. For my little girl. With her cute crooked toes.

Fast forward time, I walked into our closet and saw the box of decorations from Rory’s funeral service. Lots of pretty purple banners.

I lifted them out.

And there was a pair of Rory’s shoes. I’d forgotten about them. Lost.

I found Rory’s shoes one last time. In our new house.

Memory: Jeans

stephaniemoorewrites

Rory did not like jeans. She considered them a sort of torture device.

She didn’t like things around her waist. She pulled everything down to her hips. Especially jeans.

She felt like she couldn’t move around in them. They were last resorts or mom made mes.

She liked, shorts, skirts and leggings. In lots of fun colors. Not much else.

Oh, and pajamas. She loved pajamas.

Miracles

stephaniemoorewrites

I watched an uplifting show this morning. It talked about “champions.”

One of the stories was about a young man that was in an accident. He was very badly hurt. In a coma for weeks.

People prayed around the clock for him.

The family held onto their faith in God.

The boy miraculously awoke. Not without struggles, but he awoke.

These “champion” stories get forwarded on social media. They get talked about on television.

These are miraculous stories of people that have overcome.

I would NEVER want a different outcome for them. I cried tears of gratitude with those parents that got to hug their son again.

That isn’t our story.

Ours isn’t the easy story to forward on.

Our story is loss.

But our story isn’t without faith and miracles either.

It’s a miracle our house sold 3 days before Rory passed away. We would have been frozen with grief to make decisions. And we were still there surrounded by those that knew and loved her and us.

It’s a miracle we found the house we did. We weren’t even looking in the Lehi area for a long time. We were directed to this neighborhood, full of loving and compassionate people.

It was a miracle she passed away in my arms. With her illness, she could have passed away silently in her sleep. Instead, I got to love her and hold her until the moment she left this world.

It’s a miracle that our family functions. There have so many days and weeks when I haven’t had energy. When I have felt the weight so heavily on my shoulders. I couldn’t get by without the miraculous help of my Heavenly Father. The pain is too all encompassing.

These are not the miracles I would have wanted. I want my daughter with me.

I miss her.

I love her.

Ours isn’t a story for Rory to overcome. It’s the story for all the rest of us left behind to overcome.

And there have been miracles.

Memory: Pretending to be a Dog

stephaniemoorewrites

Rory loved animals. I’ve shared that.

She pretended to be a dog all the time.

She’d go down on her hands and knees or sometimes just bend her elbows.

She would bark.

She would pant.

Sometimes she’d try to lick an arm or face. That was less enjoyable.

As she was getting older, I began noticing she’d turn into a dog when her anxiety increased.

Aside from play times with her friends, she’d turn pretend to be a dog when she didn’t know what to do with herself.

When she didn’t know how to act or what to say.

Her pretend time as a dog was starting to wane by the time she passed away.

But I’m grateful it wasn’t completely gone because I can still hear echos of her barks in my head.

I miss that.

I miss her.

WIFYR: Rory Ann Moore Scholarship for Teens

stephaniemoorewrites

I help with a writing conference that happens every June, Writing and Illustrating for Young Readers. It’s an incredible conference and has introduced me to so many amazing people.

A few years ago the conference head and dear friend, Carol Lynch Williams and I talked about having a workshop for teens. I loved the idea! All the writers at the conference write for children so to have a class dedicated to encouraging teens in their own writing pursuits seemed perfect.

It didn’t work out, until last year.

We had our first teen class!

And it was 100% on scholarship!

Carol and I worked on the class together and it was a success.

Unknown to me, the WIFYR committee named the scholarship in Rory’s honor.

It was so special to me.

The conference committee and the attendees have become a big extended family to me throughout the last few years.

And to honor my daughter in such a special way, in a cause that’s so close to my heart. It was amazing.

I love you, my writing family!

If you know a high schooler that’s serious about writing, please encourage them to apply. This is such an amazing opportunity!

https://www.wifyr.com/scholarship-for-teens/