Tag: miss her

Writing and Missing

stephaniemoorewrites

Last year I placed in the Utah Arts Council’s Original Writing Contest.

The last picture we took as a complete family. Rory passed away 9 days later.

Writing is a rather solitary job. The kids can’t actively participate in what I’m doing. But this, they could celebrate with me. Throughout the ceremony Rory alternated between Lance and my laps. Her and Dax were so excited to see my certificate. And as you can tell, they both loved the food.

The Council asked me to come back and read from last year’s entry.

I did that today.

I’m so grateful for last year’s award.

Rory will not be able to hug me at any of my book releases.

She’ll never be able to tear open a box of my books with me.

But she was there with me for this.

That award will always be precious to me.

Because she was there.

A Halloween Memory

stephaniemoorewrites
Wonder Woman attacking an unknowing Superman.

Last year, I was staying home to hand out candy, the boys were out with cousins and friends, so Rory was trick or treating with my sister and her youngers.

My sister called and asked me to send Rory over. I got her shoes on and sent her out the door. (My sister was at my mom’s, who lived right behind us.)

I gave away some candy. And maybe 5 minutes later my sister called again. “Where’s Rory?”

This was not an usual question. (And, unfortunately, still isn’t.)

My distracted, wandering wild flower.

I looked around a little then asked a neighbor that was trick or treating, “Have you seen Rory?”

“Yeah, she’s down the street with the Vriens family.”

She saw a group of her friends, forgot her destination, and just joined in.

But almost on cue, I see my cute Wonder Woman running back down the cul-de-sac.

After a quick hug, I sent her on her way to my mom’s to have an awesome night of family and candy.

Happy 80th Birthday, Ron!

stephaniemoorewrites

This past weekend we got to spend time with Lance’s family to celebrate his dad’s 80th birthday.

Almost all his siblings were there. We played games, did work around the house, ate great food, and just enjoyed being together.

My mind kept reflecting back to when we were there two years ago to wish Ron a happy birthday.

I have no doubt Rory’s there wishing you a happy birthday too.

Love you, Ron!

More Like Her

stephaniemoorewrites

Rory had a wonderful 3rd Grade teacher, Mrs. Bohls. She loved Rory. I could tell from our first conversations and emails.

After Rory’s passing, I had a few opportunities to talk with her, mourn with her.

One of the times she said something that has stuck with me. It was something like, when I get to Heaven, I’m going to ask God, why her. Because, “We need more kids like Rory in this world.”

Rory wasn’t a perfect child. She required patience. But she had two characteristics that were amazing:

She forgave readily.

She apologized quickly.

When she would accidentally hurt someone, she would repeat, “I’m sorry.” She wasn’t prideful, she wanted to make things better. And she didn’t want the other person to be in pain.

There was a time that Rory was going out to play with a friend. As Rory was leaving, she said, “I hope she uses nice words with me.” The last time Rory had played with this friend, the girl wasn’t the nicest. But Rory didn’t hold it against her. She forgave. She was weary, but forgave her.

Rory still loved her friend.

That’s what happens when you forgive and apologize quickly.

You love. Christ-like love.

I want to love like Rory, so there’s another “Rory” in this world.

Finding Joy in Hard Times

stephaniemoorewrites

One of my goals is to continue to have good times in our sorrow. I want the boys to feel like they’ve lived. I don’t want Lance and I to just get by for the rest of our lives.

I have mixed feelings with joy. But not in the way many think I do.

I don’t have guilt.

I have sadness.

Happiness isn’t what it once was.

It’s scarce.

It’s fleeting.

Lance and I are on our way back from a Southern Caribbean cruise.

We love to travel! It fills our buckets.

We had many new and amazing experiences.

We zip lined for the first time.

We snorkeled with turtles.

We drove through rainforests.

But this time also felt different.

I felt the separation from the boys more acutely. I knew they were having tons of fun with my parents. But anxiety tugged at me more than it has in the past.

And there were a couple of times I’ve imagined Rory being there when I got home.

We took a similar trip last year.

She was there when we got back.

I know she’s not going to be. But it was a nice thought for a moment.

Anxiety with fun.

Grief with joy.

I think the rest of my life will be emotional contradictions.